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Mon Amour

My Love (Part 18)

All the struggles have over for some certain time. However, I still have to face the postmortem effect after what had happened previously. I don't know how to describe it very well what happened, but I can definitely say that I really broke her heart this time. I don't know what can do to patch her heart back to before. I am thinking days and nights on what I can do and what should I do. It's very hard, some of the time I just wished that nothing happened previously.

After few days grounding myself in my computer room, facing the screen whole day long, drugging myself with games and anything else within the screen. Then I got an perfect idea on what I can do just to bring her back to herself. Important celebration in December! I remembered last year we celebrated Christmas in her house with her whole family except her dad. Her dad pass away a month ago before Christmas. It's really hard for her family to take it as his death is too sudden to them. However, they strengthen themselves and tried to bring out the spirit of the Christmas to the fullest. I saw how hard they tried but still, love beats everything. They still burst in tears after some time.

But this year's Christmas gonna be a different thing. A new beginning for them and me. I'm gonna try my best to patch up her shattered pieces of heart. I look out for something special to give it to her. I went all over the places just to look out for things that able to patch everything back. Bookstores, markets, malls, gift shops, etc. Still, I can't made up my mind on what to give to her.

Then I bump myself to a interesting book in Popular Sunway Pyramid. A book by Cecelia Ahern. She is very familiar to me as I read her book (Where rainbow ends) in my NS camp. She is also the author of PS. I love you, bestseller. Now she comes with a new book in the market, The Gift. It looks very special and attractive to me. It gave me a feeling that this book is gonna save my relationship. So I went back home to make a survey on the book. What the book is all about, price comparisons as the book wasn't selling really cheap in Popular.

Not that I'm cheapskate but I want to know that things I buy value for money. 25th is coming really soon. I have to make up my mind already whether that book can really save my relationship. Well, I know it sounds stupid when I told my friend what I'm going to do, getting a book for your gal during Christmas. Not like she eats book, geek or nerd, reading all the time without failing etc. What I have in mind is different. Getting a book carries a meaning where the meaning lies in the book itself. Furthermore the book have a perfect title and decoration, The Gift. Just perfect for Christmas present.

So I planed a perfect plan again this time. I don't know why am I doing this but people describe this as perfectionist. What I have plan this time to save my relationship back? First I went rushing to Pyramid again to get the book as quick as I can as the book is selling quite fast (sold out in MPH's website). I hope I'm still able to get a copy of the book. After that I went rushing back to her house while she is out for classes. I ranged the door bell hoping that the maid will be coming out to get me as they know me well enough to let me in the house. Instead the sis-in-law's sister came out looking confusing who rang the bell.

I don't know what can I say so she will let me in as she still consider me as stranger you see. So I just tell her that, "Erm, I'm Joanna's friend. Can you help me to tie this book under her bed?", while passing her the book and also a string of ribbon. My actual plan is wrapping up the book under her bed and let her hunt for it. However, it seems that it's not going on my way. Her sis-in-law's sister seems a bit not so romantic imaginary person, she just ask the maid to dump the book under the bed, that simple. Well, my plan just half destroyed.

So when she reached home after her piano class by 10, I text her a simple riddle. "I have 4 legs, 1 body but I don't walk, What am I?" Will my plan works? Can I get back her heart back to 1 piece?

Mon Amour

My Love (Part 17)

We had a lot of arguments throughout the whole month. I don't know what is going wrong but I wished we never argued that much. It hurts a lot , destroys our emotions and brought ourselves away from what we were supposed to be. Both of us tried to tolerate to each others but it doesn't seems to be working. Argument after arguments squeezing out throughout the whole month. It make us feel very very tired on each and every arguments we had. It's like we are almost at the edge of giving up the relationship.

However, I know you never give up on me. You always be the one who holding up the relationship, patch it up, strengthen yourself not to be so emotionally etc. I know how hard you tried but still arguments never be avoided. I did give up on it some of the time, I'm really sorry for being such a jerk to you during the harsh time. Never put your feelings on priority, never notice your effort in patching up every damage we had in our relationship, never realize that you really really care a lot bout how our relationship going on etc.

I neglected everything bout it and tried to even pull myself out from the relationship. I'm really confused on what I decided but I regretted shortly after that. I realized what you have done all this while, that you never wished the break up to happened so much, heart broken into pieces which I'll never be able to patch it back anymore.

I realized my fault. I know I shouldn't be doing something like this to you. I regretted and I know it wouldn't change anything. It will never be the same anymore. I will never get back the pure feeling from you anymore because I have broke your fragile heart. I promised you that I will never break your heart again.

I do wish that I will get back the same you again who are so passionate about our relationship. I really appreciates you on what you did for me. I can feel that you begin to be like a stranger to me right now. Although we just went through the hardship together, with the hope that we might get back to our normal relationship back again, everything just went differently. It never be the same anymore. It's colder and much more frozen tensing atmosphere.

Have been wondering why we turn out to be like that? We was fine a few months ago. It's totally different after that. What changed us? The arguments? The troubles? The aggregate emotions that you kept it all along? I really don't know what should I be thinking or what should I do in order to be back like last time.

I really wanted to make things change back like how we are last time. I don't want our relationship to continue dragging on like that. It seems pointless for us to continue such frozen relationship. I have to do something. Yes, I know there is something I have to do. What should I be doing? I am positive that there is something I am capable in doing in order to stop dragging this cold relationship.

Amaze

Brain astonished

I was introduced by a friend of mine about a website who puts your brain on the edge of the cliff. Too exaggerated? I thought so too at first. I tried using my iPhone using the Wi-Fi Internet connection but I don't seem to get into the website. Then I waited until I get home and try it using my desktop.

Key in http://en.akinator.com/# into your link bar, leading you to a website (proclaimed himself as the Web Genius) get yourself register as a member there with some simple steps. Then the game will starts. First he will ask you few questions related to the character you're thinking in your mind. Actually it seems like a survey based on the questions they gave you and they narrow down all the characters existed in the world (even your parents and your loved 1!).

It's quite funny, give it a try. Let me share with you a funny experience of mine while playing this game. Let me tell you who am I thinking of, Ronald McDonald. Thanks to the poster inside m room. So here starts my journey.

1. Is your character internationally famous? Yes
He should be famous all around the world right?

2. Is your character a woman? NO!
Shouldn't be, but I can't prove that of course.

3. Is your character real? No
Don't think so right?

4. Does your character fight? NO!
I don't really know what he do actually, imagining him fighting? Nah...

5. Is your character an animal? No
Clown = animal?

6. Is your character an adult? Yes
Don't look young to me.

7. Does your character live in America? Yes
He is like appearing everywhere!

8. Does your character belong to an animated cartoon? No
Of course not right.

9. Does your character play a role of a doctor? No
Of course he can't be!

10. Is your character from a TV series? No
In TV, yes.

11. Is your character famous thanks to the cinema? No
Never see before McD's advertisements in the cinema though.

12. Is your character linked with food? Yes!
That's what he is selling.

13. Is your character red-haired? Yes!
He got me!

I think of....

Fantastic!

HeartBreaking

Disappointed

Today I just had a great dinner in a church somewhere in Ampang. Invited through someone from the church. In order to attend the church's production or somehow just a documentary about who is Jesus, is he resurrected, etc... I'm skipping an hour of job (earn less RM8) and a friend's birthday bash + secondary mini reunion + Goodbye party as the host is going for oversea.

I never thought of complaining bout it but it came to an extent that she starts arguing that I'm mixing with my friends too much and why do I bother about the party as I don't know the host. It somehow got me frustrated. I purposely skip the party and accompany her to the church smoothly without making any arguments, I just don't know why things have to get worse when I tried to make things better. Even like some other occasion where I tried to make it perfect, end up being a perfectionist is not a good idea at all.

Things in my mind was meant to be kept and forget bout it, such as I'm so wanted to go to the party as it's a mini reunion where I get to see how my ex-schoolmates grown into and my ex-schoolmates gets to see how much I have grown. It's an golden opportunity as we don't see often since we are studying around the globe Malaysia. So I'm looking forward as the invitation was passing out since April. I promised to attend when I got the invitation. However I end up went for another place instead of it. Besides that, is a birthday bash for a friend of mine that I know when I was form2. I love celebrating friend's birthday and yet she proclaim that I don't know the host. I still remember the times when we (host and me with some other peoples) went out together, texting each other simple short messages, isn't that consider as knowing each other?

So 1 shoot I blast out everything yet she just kept quiet. I was expecting she would say something like she always do. I don't know whether she knew herself wrong or what, but what I know is that You took very long to just apologize to me. I'm disappointed with you. I don't know to the readers that she's wrong or what, but I'm confident that I'm not wrong.

Random

Inside the class stealing college's random WiFi internet connection writing this post using my iPhone.
Having T7 revision class is kinda bored and I'm really hungry right now. I need to have my breakfast immediately!

Mon Amour

My Love (Part 16)

Oh yeah! September comes, where my turn to crack opened my head to dig out something special for her on this particular year that are meaningful last year. No further explanation on what I meant bout meaningful last year in September for those who didn't follow up the story. Anyway, you can always click on the highlighted words to recap what is it about as I hyperlink it for all of you as we can always stay in track with me.

So here comes the days which my cracked head come in use. I brought her to somewhere I promised her last time (bringing her to various places to try out every nice foods) in a surprise manner. I did tell her that we are not going somewhere nice, most probably just the food court around us. Unfortunately, when I reached outside of her house's gate and she came out with a fantastic outfit which astonished me. It almost made me burst out with laughter when I tell her that, "Where are you going with such a nice outfit? I thought I told you we are going to the nearby food court?"

She really believes me that we are really going on a normal date as my acting is always terrific without any flaws. Of course she wanted to go back to change back to a more casual look but I insists of driving off like that. She felt awkward inside the car imagining herself going hawker center with such a decent outfits. However, she never thought I am just acting and I'm bringing her to somewhere she never thought she will be. I made myself like somehow going to a hawker center and it made her even more convince that I'm not lying.

All along during the ride, she was hoping I was lying and I'm actually bringing her to somewhere better than a food court. She shouldn't be giving up on hoping so fast as I'm actually just making a fool out of her. I slowly lead her to a Korean BBQ restaurant as I mentioned before in previous post. It never ends here, she made something special for me (but not meant for public), a own dedicated poetry to me. I appreciate it and never forget what you made for me.

Maybe you can just read again about the 1st year anniversary as I don't need to rewrite about it again. For those who read before, maybe you can just recall or read again what happened as you might want to feel the atmosphere again.

I never regret I brought her to such a place (even though it cost me quite a lot) but really worth it. The service and the quality of the foods really makes you more appetite as you continue eating again and again until you are bloated with it. We had a great time that day and might be able to pay a visit to that shop again if we feel like eating Korean cuisine again.

However, ups and downs often occurs in every relationships. Ours are not excluded from it. Although we had such a great time during our 1st anniversary (although is the second time we celebrated it) we still found some thorns in between which made us argue and debate all along. Some how, we manage to calm and just forget about the past mistakes so we can have a better time in our relationship. Forgiving and letting go is really an important attitude in having a smooth relationship. Advices for all of the couples, you might not believe it but do tolerate as much as you can as it will improve your relationship. It makes you appreciate your partner more as the time pass by.

PS: I'm glad that we are able to tolerate each other in certain matters during our relationship breakdown. I will try to improve myself in certain areas so that I'm able to make you even more happy and cheerful.